have you ever tried talking to a professional about it? I know it might seem scary, but I feel like it’s one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made. They can help you so much. 

Thank-you, it means a lot to get positive feedback. 

I hope you’re staying strong. Have a good Christmas and all the best for the new year. :)

♥J 

it’s fine. everyone needs to rant every so often, especially when it all builds up. i’m sorry this is a late reply, and i can only hope everything is even slightly better at the moment. it’s important to not feel shame or regret, because those emotions will lead you to feeling worse about yourself. you don’t need that. you need self-love and to be positive. make sure you find it.

<3

i’m so sorry that not only your friend is struggling through this, but you are too. it’s difficult to be a friend of someone who self-harms, because you just feel so helpless.

self-harm is extremely complex. it differs from person to person, and it’s such a strange, vicious cycle. the only simplistic explanation of self-harm is that it’s a coping mechanism.

the trouble with self-harm is that if the person doesn’t want to stop, then the chances of them actually stopping is very slim. it’s difficult for self-harmers to find the drive to quit when they don’t want to. so sadly, unless your friends wants to stop then it’s unlikely she will find the strength and ability to. when your willpower to self-harm is stronger than your willpower to not self-harm, then obviously you will fall back into it. however, when you want to stop, you will hold out longer and be able to put up a tougher fight.

so, if your friend isn’t likely to stop. the most important thing is being there for her, because your support and friendship can lead to her finding the want and strength to stop. quitting isn’t quick. it takes a long, long time (years, for many self-harmers).

it’s important to never make an issue about you when it’s about your friend. for example, if you say that your friend’s self-harm is hurting you. that just upsets them, and how do self-harmers cope with hurt? through self-harming. it also brings on emotions such as guilt and shame, which fuels self-hatred, which can fuel their self-harm further.
ultimatums are not a good thing. whether you threaten to end your friendship, or to even self-harm yourself, the problem is that a self-harmer will still resort to self-harming. and once again, it can fuel their self-harm further as these situations generate guilt and shame.

simply, you can’t try to give your friend reasons for stopping. a self-harmer can only stop for themselves. having someone to support them will give them another reason, but ultimately, once a self-harmer decides that they want to quit, that is when their recovery progress will begin.

what you can do for your friend is listen. offering yourself to them, judgment free, no opinions, only kind words. that is what a self-harmer needs. talking is a coping mechanism, so if a self-harmer can talk about what they feel inside, then the need to self-harm diminishes (even if it’s only a slight amount). honestly, as a friend of a self-harmer, that is all you can and should do. you’re a friend, so you need to act like one. just be supportive and kind.

anyway, if your friend decides they want to quit. the only things they need to remember are these:

• as self-harm is a coping mechanism, you CAN’T quit unless you find another method of coping that isn’t self-destructive. it’s sort of like when a smoker quits and uses nicotine patches. it’s too hard to stop cold turkey, so they use a method that tones down their intake. as a self-harmer, you need another coping mechanism instead of just stopping cold turkey. this can be difficult, though, and a very time consuming process. what some people might be able to use as a coping mechanism, other people might not. so, you know, things like reading, writing, cooking, painting, etc. those are the sorts of things your friend would need to look at doing instead of cutting. because everyone has a means of which they cope through difficult situations, a self-harmer uses self-harm, and if you take that away then they have nothing. you can’t quit like that.
• self-harm can be a lifelong addiction, just like alcoholism, drug addiction, etc. so, even if someone stops self-harming, the urges will still be there. as a friend i think it is important to be aware of this. just because someone doesn’t hurt themselves, it doesn’t mean they don’t want to, or that they are better. someone can not cut for two years and then relapse. so even though getting that far is a very big achievement, it’s still a day by day process that can take several years to achieve. and even then, a self-harmer can still fall back into old habits after ten or twenty years. so, basically, i don’t believe you can ever be ‘cured’ or fully recovered, but you can learn to live with the addiction without succumbing to the urges.
• self-harm most often than not is a symptom of mental illness. there are many professionals who fail in treating self-harm, because they look to stop the self-harm BEFORE they look to overcoming or controlling the mental illness. if your friend is suffering from a mental illness, there is no way that she can stop self-harming before the mental disorder is recognised and controlled. your friend’s self-harm might not be the problem, but it might be a symptom of the problem.

i know this is very lengthy, and it might be a little confusing, but i do hope this is helpful for you and even some others. good luck to both you and your friend. i wish you the best.

<3

honestly, i don’t. i haven’t been swimming in about two years.

i’ll tell you something, though. i intend on buying a bathing suit soon. you know, one of those vintage inspired bathing suits that’ll cover my tummy. and i plan on going to the beach in it. without hiding my legs. it’s just that i’ve never had the confidence before. not only have i never felt comfortable showing scars/cuts, i’ve never felt comfortable with my body shape and my weight.

i’ve always hated swimming because i’ll wear shorts and a t-shirt, and i feel like when i dress like that, people just look at me as if there is something i am trying to hide. like, as if i am not comfortable with my weight. which, i mean, i’m not… but wearing shorts and a t-shirt when i am swimming is just frustrating now.

unless you wear shorts in the water, there’s no way to really hide your scars. you have to learn to live with them and accept them. you can’t just hide your body from the world for the rest of your life.

<3

honestly, i would make a complaint to your school counsellor. even if it’s in the form of a letter, written anonymously, put into your counsellor’s pigeon hole.

i once made a complaint to my school counsellor in my final year of school after my food and catering teacher had put me in a group with a girl i didn’t want to work with. my counsellor was AMAZING about it. he spoke to the teacher and explained how i felt. your counsellor could probably do something similar, and if the letter is anonymous then all the better.
you can explain how you were offended, why you were offended, etc. the thing is that if your teacher doesn’t learn, then this might very well happen again.

teachers are in a position to educate, not to misinform or offend their students. some teachers are very insensitive and moronic when it comes to certain issues. such a shame.

<3

i explained this a little bit here: http://emergencyroomromanticx.tumblr.com/post/11947457281/i-hate-when-people-try-and-tell-others-to-stop-siing

that is why i personally see self-harm as “wrong” (although, i wouldn’t word it as such, because i don’t believe it is wrong). i might not thing it’s okay to do, because it’s dangerous and unhealthy, but i think “wrong” is a very harsh and inaccurate word.

you shouldn’t need to hide them from him. a relationship is about trust and honesty - you should be able to trust him to listen and try to understand, and in turn you should be honest about something like this. it’s very important for the person you are with to understand what you are doing and why you’re doing it.

they might not acknowledge it, however. sometimes, guys just pretend that they don’t see them or feel them. it’s just, you won’t know what this boy will do until the moment comes. everyone will react differently, and there’s no telling how someone will think or feel. i’ve been pleasantly surprised by people’s reactions before.

if he asks you, then you don’t necessarily have to tell him. honestly, you can tell him that you don’t want to talk about it. because it’s okay if you’re not ready to talk. not everyone is, and quite often, that can be apart of the reason for self-harming for some people. however, i don’t think you should try and hide them from him. he will have to find out eventually, and going out of your way for him to not see the wounds now is just putting off the inevitable.

<3

i used the magic wand tool in photoshop, and i selected the white space around the text, and then i inverted the selection, and pasted the image in the selection (which also answers your other question you submitted).

it’s arial :). bolded and capitalised.